I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
