And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
