So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Randomize