break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
