Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
