I would go down on you faster than GM stock
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
