so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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