Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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