Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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