Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
