does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.