Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Remember the time you cried about coconuts