Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
