the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
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Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
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I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.