mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart