I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
