3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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