How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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