remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
