You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
