the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
