He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
