So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
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All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
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Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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