My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
