I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
