He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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