I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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