i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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