I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
