My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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