He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
There r osticjed everywhere
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
