um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
