I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
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Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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