he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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