All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
