Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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