Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
