Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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