I bet he comes in French.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
