i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
