I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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