Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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