the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
