Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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