Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
