I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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