She is in my trunk
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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