textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
