What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Randomize
