I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
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She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
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laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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