forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
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I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
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I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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