is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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