Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I have tasted many bathrooms
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
