If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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