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I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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