Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
