Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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