Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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