i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
