I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'm just crazy horny about you
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
