New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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