he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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