then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
