OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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