she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
