Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize