ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
