There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Randomize
