He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
