I hope mine doesn't look like that
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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