either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
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