We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize