At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize