My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
