I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
