I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
