Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
My dick has a subreddit
Randomize
