i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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