Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
this will be a night to untag.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
