my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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