I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
