Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
